Given an unlucky start, I have subsequently been extraordinarily lucky. Thats changing because she has done so much therapy and is in a healthier place than she could ever have hoped to be. Consequently I had a melt down myself and put space between us. So I have a confusing situation, please bare with me. Recently i ran out of food i asked for help nobody cared.. nobody helped.. both my parents said fu starve man you will love it Like what? I am at last feeling more stable, and Im certainly more aware, and hope, some day, to use ALL of my brothers and my experiences for the good of poorl metal health sufferers and therapists alike. Thats my biggest question right now. Like he has some wiring thats off and doesnt realize it. Aspergers AND Narcissism? : r/aspergers - Reddit But after reading comments on this website I am totally convinced it is narcissism with my spouse. I really dont believe the previous person is correct. Following are some suggestions for coping with this type of relationship: Copyright 2017 GoodTherapy.org. We are both seniors and the idea of starting afresh at this age is daunting so Im afraid to let go. Autism also resides on a spectrum. My marriage ended after 38 years and I was a wreck, but with self help I feel I have bounced back to a new wonderful life. 1. Thanks for listening. Others dont want to see me.. i dont want to see them gg lol. We didnt know until just before I left and we split up that she was on the spectrum. I feel totally blessed to have a 2nd chance and we have had a lot of terrific times together. Usually children of abusive or inadequate parents and have to learn to survive growing up, perhaps without protection or guidance of any kind. When trying to leave a narcissist it is hard and they will keep pulling you in if you let them. She has equal parts of autistic traits AND narcissistic traits! please allow this thought (it is a fact to the normal smart person but it could get you censored online to mention it) I can relate to much of what you have said as far as the narcissistic partner, and how it destroys the very fabric of who you are. Narcissism, according to the American Psychiatric Association's DSM-5 criteria for narcissistic personality disorder, includes somethough not necessarily allof the following features:. Why this happened no one has an answer. Hes repetitive to an almost pathological degree, telling the same story from start to finish sometimes day after day. Before anyone says does it matter which label he has or if he has one at (because I do get these questions so please dont think I am being rude or aggressive). When others succeed. Yes, there can definitely be a difficulty mixing with ordinary people, it appears to me that there is a deeper and more involved line of thought with someone with aspergers, whereas it is more surface thoughts with the ordinary type of people, unless they actually specialise in a particular subject. Thank you so much. Through his questions and suggestions and understanding and friendship, and also through reading a book by Alice Miller that he recommended, I came to a new understanding, not only of my case, but at the same time of the whole human condition, mental health in general, suffering in general, why there are wars, why real love is so rare, and so on. or do these people require comorbidities with NPD (ASPD) and/or BPD to hoover? that its my fault that bla bla.. they tortured me.. guilt trip me.. they enjoyed the god dam narcs they knew they wouldnt have more chances after THEN after days saying they had no found.. that it was useless to ask after 1 hour with me on 10 days empty stomach.. dizzy and all lost they popped food and lied telling me my other therapist was bringing me to food bank last time but i missed the appointment (trying to earn money online to eat!) I was a slow learner as far as see my hubby as a narcissist. Very much what he wants and not much what you want. I wondered how anyone with narcissism could show empathy or how people on ASD could be social. There is nothing really wrong with her she just doesnt think like I do. I want to share my home with my loved ones but he makes it so unconfortable I have to do this outside of my home. Asperger and HFA are all Autism so they are the same, just a spectrum meaning traits that can range from mild to severe. One divorce later and I am living the best years of my life now. I shouldnt have done that. I might be too, just not as much as him so I try and sympathize with his unusual behavior but its getting harder to do. So i stayed solo and worked on myself. To Shirley E Hinman I hate liars and evils but that i have to deal with it as everyone is around me so well ya lol. Lol cauz if narcs feed of peoples misery i dont. Even if i explain and show how my mother tried 3 times in 15 years to push me to suicide by enabling gambling and making me have loans i didnt even want. They'll say things like, "If I had it as well as you did, I'd be as successful, too." And, narcissists blame others for their misery, sensing an inherent unfairness to their lots. His relationship with his Dad was very questionable. I hope you and your brother find ways through, may you both find, in your different lives, peace and love. It has been suggested that this occurs because of under-utilized mirror neurons in childhood, which leads to dysfunctional mirror neurons in adulthood (Kellevision, 2015). My partner of 8yrs feels told me he was aspergers, but looking at those charts, I think hes probably 1/3 narcissist. Yes one doesnt have to go overboard with putting themselves first, but they dont have to give in to the whims of what others want to feel happy. I figured early that things were wrong, my parents, brothers and other members of my family were doing/saying things that are horrible often totally illegal. But anyway the novel is getting long again so ill leave it there for the story. Narcissism is nothing more that a set of hooks for the unsupported autistic mind to function. I watch everyone outside .. its a free-for-all in the world. My way to determine the difference is via the behaviour called gasslighting. Mental health issues arent a funny matter are they. I found it very beneficial. Do You Have Aspergers Or Narcissism? Your life so far sound very much like you have been at the mercy of a number of narcissist. I sat down on my bed, said a prayer and asked for forgiveness for the person I had become. I tend to forget people if we don't see them regularly even though we care about them and when we remember them we do miss them, but . That may be that Ive touched a window with my fingertips, or dropped something on the floor, or laughed too loudly. I will say that one of the saddest things I have been thinking about her, and about anyone with mental health conditions like the above mentioned is how much danger they could be putting themselves in if left untreated. Home Terms of Service Privacy Policy Sitemap Subscribe to The GoodTherapy Blog. I may be wrong but from what I have read it appears you are still putting others ahead of your own happiness. I realized he does have some aspects of Aspergers but more of narcissism. Im not a young person and Ive only just come to this conclusion. Does he object if you want to go out independently, and if so he may well be narcissistic in his behaviour. But when researching have an open mind and dont just research one article, there is a lot of rubbish on the internet, but there is also some very good information that can improve the knowledge of anything you want to learn about and especially the autism spectrum. Eat clean, detox, stand in a forest in the sun. There is definitely overlap between the two based on this article and we need to look at people who may be both narcisistic and on the spectrum. No more ongoing psychological/emotional problems. So i have the autistic ways but i also have narcs traits. 2. In case anyone is concerned that I lashed out in a physical or highly abusive way to this woman, that is not the case. Ive noticed when I interject a remark to change the subject, he pauses then launches right back into what he was saying, he doesnt even register what Ive said. Study the concept of narcissistic supply and you will discover that people with narcissism are fed by the reactions they get. In the most severe instances, the person demonstrates sociopathic tendencies or antisocial personality. I feel like you wrote this just for me. Ive been married a couple of times and had different intimate encounters along my journey in life, and also a 30yr friendship with a man with, what I described as a condition. The narcissist can be self-centered in bed, but can usually act and even feel both romantic and passionate, particularly when being admired, as in the honeymoon stage of a relationship. This brought on the most horrendous fear in him which he still has trouble containing. There aint no taste in nothing and isolation and acting anti social isnt the answer either. It may be painful and frustrating but if you can make a connection with a special support worker I think your life may start to make sense. Because of his homelife with his ex wife who was also a narsistic person that had major alcohol abuse issues and insisted on having 6 children (girls) he was totally burnt out by the time I met him even though his marriage had ended 6 years prior. Maybe I shouldnt. It has brought me to a place where I find myself valuating my life, my relationships. But he also has always needed to be in control and cannot accept the thought that he is not so does all he can to remain in control. less interest in sports or activities that involve coordination. I also realise I have been happy to get into narcissistic relationships in the past without knowing what I was getting into. What prompted me, was that I have another daughter with three children, two recently diagnosed with autism. Women with Aspergers over 40 are driven to GET AWAY from what they don't like doing. If you listened closely you could almost hear the choking sound in his voice when he complimented me. Narcissists will use what they can to manipulate the situation, which then overlooks whatever tendencies they have from being racists, sexists, etc. I have a stepmom with narcissistic traits and I have autisim, and this article is so right We dont get along very well. Weird, but Im not complaining. I read the 2 columns.. autism vs narc. My family will do ANYTHING to avoid being wrong and to pass the buck something I also take umbridge with. Break up and never look back. This was not who I was and came to a pivitol point around that time, as I felt deep misery. In the begining of our marriage I did find it quite difficult to accomodate his ways which I believe I am a very patient and tolerant person but there has been many occassions where I feel very hurt. He developed Alzheimers at 58yrs old and lost his words, the best way to describe it. I mean therapies and such helped but .. really.. 10% therapy 10% medications 80% my own discoveries and work on myself. From what you have said I can see a certain amount of manipulation going on. I love the comparative chart that you have listed above because looking at that you really do notice the big differences between the two; whereas if you are just looking at someone with their surface behaviors, you might think that they are one and the same. Now I know for sure Ive fibromyalgia and Im dealing with it alone. Holey moley, sometimes you have to go deep down in the comments to find the real deal :) Thanks! Perhaps if you did some research yourself on narcissism and manipulation you may get a better sense of whether this is happening to you or not. Do You Have Aspergers Or Narcissism? This is how YOU know I have set myself boundarys as far as her stepping into my personal life, and I am the one who has to step her back if she over reaches, because she just feels she is trying to sort it. 2. I randomly searched and found your comments and felt like I found an answer I was long searching for. This took a toll on me after 20 odd years and dealing with the lack of self worth he so graciously gave to me, I ended up becoming someone I didnt particularly like, value or relate to at that stage, my self asteem was at an all time low, this was in 2007 and I was 43 years old, at this stage I was not wearing my wedding rings and I was now quite self absorbed and looking mainly at my own needs. And it starts all over, the hurt, the misery, the messing with your brain and all the other stuff that goes on. I try to be as humble and honest as i can but in our world the narcs are everywhere and they abuse it everytime they can so i had to change. You can ask him to leave if you have the courage, as maybe living separately will give you both more freedom to run your own lives independently, especially financially. Practice Management Software for Therapists, Rules and Ethics of Online Therapy for Therapists, How to Send Appointment Reminders that Work, Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/narcissism-vs-aspergers-how-can-i-tell-the-difference-1114174, Clueless about damage they cause even though they can be hurtful and, Hurts other peoples feelings and doesnt care, Has intuition and uses it to get narcissistic supply, Tends to flip into different modes or personalities (Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Step back and really take a look at him. ! And end up leaving a 12,500$ limit credit card on my kitchen table.. in case of emergency ffs she had done the same 10 years before by making me have a 10,000$ student loan i didnt even need or asked for that she made me have after i succeeded 1st year of college and my family started to panic at the idea that i could finish my degree and turn against them so i spent summer working where she lives and have her work my brain for 3 months to end up destroying me just before i go back to school.. with 5,000$ in bank. Because my daughter is a slow reader and finds it hard to take in all the information at once, I have been reading these books to her one chapter at a time in the evening. If I get upset about something he says Im too sensitive and were not compatible. Break up and never look back. How is that to their advantage? I then went looking for more information so I could understand what I was dealing with better, and found the information about her bubble situation, explained in a different way, but meaning the same thing. I felt by explaining the above, it could help in knowing what level youre on to know how to handle it. According to the film The Magic Pill, even eliminating carbohydrates can markedly reduce the symptoms of autism! Retrieved from https://www.huffingtonpost.com/mark-goulston-md/just-listendont-confus_b_316169.html, Kellevision, (2015, August 6). I almost left then and now wish I had before I got too attached. Now ignoring email without consequence is standard. What I have learned is he is who he is and he will never change. I suspect that will be a harder mystery to unpick. I believe that is always possible. He listens to me more and I take this as his caring more or me just learning to interject. did the husband have head injuries in the past? Narcs are the cause of 90%+ of all the problems, pain.. everything in the world. I was born into what seems to me to be a family of narcs and was terribly bullied, abused and scapegoated both as a child and as an adult in the end I had to cut contact with my whole family. It goes against that 1-dimensional description. So hes selfish but I know where I am with him because he cant play emotional games like normal people can. He knew he wasnt marriage material which I deeply respected, mainly because he didnt want to be responsible for a wife or children. I dont intentionally do these things, but the result is the same: hurting the one person I have in my life (I dont have friends or family aside from her). Not everyone wants to help like I do. Ive lived with a Narcissist/abuser now for almost 44 years. In this DVD the doctor admits to his ideas about Aspergers being wrong after meeting a very successful man who had it, but had the help of two very competent secretarys to help run his business. We live in London, and its expensive, and we rent. That was 10 days ago. I work full time, I do all the cooking, shopping, life admin, as well as lots of cleaning. He drives 20 miles to see me, we used to take turns but now I cant go to his house anymore because of the dog. Even with people you once knew well. Elizabeth he is a narcissist, I lived with one for 38 years and he almost destroyed me and his family in the process of trying to be in control. The average autistic person is very well-meaning, but misunderstood. He has reason to be upset, as successive dentists have not whats been needed and left him with some problems. https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/narcissism-vs-aspergers-how-can-i-tell-the-difference-1114174 . Am I with someone autistic, a narcissist, or both? But hes manipulative & very Nasty, when we have words and always blames me for everything within the conversation , if I make a comment he takes it a derogatory comment towards him & after 25yrs Ive learnt how to word my comments, as I know he doesnt take the blame he has the ability to make you believe everything that said is my fault ( he was like that with his 1st wife ) but cannot see it . Sadly I didnt realise the gift because, maybe, it could have been developed for the good of emotional difficulties, and changed understanding. 10 Common Reasons Asperger's-Neurotypical Relationships Fail - Marriage Not missing people in an ordinary way is also a common trait of autism and ADHD. I have cut all ties with him. we live in a world of extremes of both and there is your answer. He has refused to look on property websites because its too stressful, and hes fed up of seeing the same old crap but then the minute he gets stressed accusing me of not doing enough to find us a home, caring too much about being cheap, and that Im selfish. I was never expecting her to call bank and release the other 5k in 15 minutes??? He is happy for me to do this but not in our home, especially when he is around or knows about it. If we can generate these so called disorders in humans and animals (unethical I agree) with basic methods of no surprise to the modern up to date (i.e. Courage is needed along with perciverance. The light she shines on me is scary at times. I did briefly contemplate he may be autistic given there are some similarities in behaviour but on reflection I dont believe this to be so. Im not being cheap, but of course he refuses to understand all the other things that need spending money on. Because of the similarities between Asperger's and Narcissistic Personality Disorder, there is frequently confusion. Narcissism is about control and lack of empathy and the worst are psychopaths, whereas high functioning autism tends to display quite a high intelligence driven towards a single aspiration of what interests them the most. People here are depressing not just because they suffer but because they are accepting the lie that this is normal. This article is painfully outdated and misinformed about autism which makes me question the other things it says too (though not everything is wrong). I met my second wife, and same thing happened, but it lasted longer (the books and strategies worked). He loves history with a laser focus and when we go places Im expected to show the same level of interest he has or he thinks were not compatible. I let the way that others treat me and respond around me dictate how I then think and feel about myself. metal poisoning, food intolerance etc Even if they are not identical, they can co-exist. Do you feel you are accepting his lack of input? Take care with this as you may need support when you tackle this issue. The person I encountered six months ago is very highly intelligent and kept telling me he was confused at times and aware Im being triggered by his behaviour. i also enjoyed reading your notion that autistic people are unable to correctly support their loved ones; thanks for throwing me under the bus by inferring that im somehow incompetent at anything my loved ones care about. Break up and never look back. Asperger's Symptoms: List of Most Common Signs and Features - Psych Central The more he tells me its not working, the more I try and honestly it scares me to have to start over. As I said previously I have a daughter (unmarried) who has high functioning autism, I have another daughter who doesnt have autism, but has two children with it. Research and study personality conditions and learn to have, Goulston, M. (2011, November 17). All my life i had to discover the answers all by myself. Ever since we got together he has been judgmental, critical, controlling and insistent on being right about everything. It is helpful to be flexible and adaptable. It isnt. However I seem to have entered a happy final phase. We have texted since, friendly but nothing more. Then there is the story of the post-trauma. Develop healthy, happy connections within other relationships. I never truly had gf or friends most were all narcs that had felt my weakness (my parents work on me made me behave like well, a weak formatted slave a perfect target for narcs). Please fill out all required fields to submit your message. For example, many people with high-functioning autism are capable of manipulation, guilt-tripping, and not allowing you to say no. Very good, helpful article. Instead of him understanding our limited funds, the needs he has, and the terrible ripoff the rental market is here, he just keeps insisting its all my fault and my bad choices. I do not play head games or understand why people play them, I therefore frequently end up being the loser in social situations. As regards your husband, step back, take a good look, you will soon work out if hes worth it or not. Then i was disabled and sent home for life where my parents would try more than ever to finish me off. The car, the TV, feminism, the internet, and now, unashamedly the smart phone you can go back and say the mirror of course. If you are worried about the mental health of yourself or someone you care about, prioritize it. Like today . What's The Link Between Asperger's Syndrome And Narcissistic This doesnt happen as much now . That i should not worry its impossible not to worry since i know and see everyday all the narcs totally unable to see the problem.. see the face in the mirror Totally blinded. It was amusing when I read your sentence think of all the mean things hes done to you, not the good things. and my immediate thought was, what good things? THEN we could assess peoples true basic functioning, and start our therapeutic approach from there. The first thing I did when I found out what had been a troubling situation for so very long, was to learn what makes individuals with different levels of autism tick. I wonder too about Aspies growing up with narcissistic parent. The treatment then was medication and psychiatric ward. My father (boss in healthcare) made me get fired after i discovered his fraudulent scheme. I understand Frederics frustration but lots of narcissists dont know they are afflicted, and I expect some dont care. Industrial society has encouraged narcissism from the start each level of so called progress, is actually only progress toward pure narcissism all round. Asperger's and Narcissism are two totally separate and unrelated, spectrums. Very interesting. Can anyone suggest what I can do ???? Still they can write down on a sheet of paper all the traits and signs i have of all the abuse but then when i put them in front of the reality they all suddenly become retarded on purpose and tell me i blame others for my failures its all my fault i need more more therapy always more therapy! I have included a link if I may that may help with some understanding of the situation. It was very difficult growing up with an older sibling who was very manipulative and all about self. Why may be difficult to understand. No empathy! Narcissists CAN empathize with others, but often choose not to, because these other people are not as important as the narcissist. What can I do to recover from this personality disorder? We have also reccently found out that not only is it likely to be on my partners side of the family but also on my mothers side of the family (yet to be officially diagnosed but very likely). I can understand this up to a point, but I am still researching the field of autism and narcissistic personality disorder, and retrospectively trying to make sense of my life. If one reads up about some of the brilliant high functioning autistic people in this world, and individuals that have been perceived to be on the spectrum, some have done some amazing things. Oh i was not that smart i mean it was crazy to do that but with the list of things i was dealing with (ADHD, autism, bipolar, borderline, ptsd, violence etc) i guess i was allowed to not be perfect? My family is entirely narcissistics. Do they take on some of those traits? Can you see your loved ones symptoms in either column? Misdiagnosing Narcissism as Asperger's Disorder | HealthyPlace I do think he has a certain amount of autism as I have read a lot on that even before I met him, its a subject that interests me considering my own thoughts that I may have a small degree of it. your next words were, you might find there wasnt that many good things. How true, there was only feeling dehumanized and worth very little to him. I have no control over thiis as its the decision of the individual to decide for themselves. I think psychiatry is missing out when acting as people with autism cant have any personality disorders. With my 3 bro/sis all narc to heavy level its sure i was meant to be or .. am i? The Difference Between Asperger's and Social Anxiety Disorder A COMPLEX TRAUMA TEAM was set up and this turned out to be a life changer where therapy is concerned. They are blind.. they see nothing. Am not religious, a scientist but not a materialist. Am saying that all these DSM inventions, are real yes, but not as these frauds explain them. This will require patience and perseverance. If he was a stranger would you size him up for what you might think he is? Any literature you can share? I have also recently realised that there is a recognised name for how my hub makes me feel energy vampire . Very poor social interaction. He told me he did a quiz too and it came back saying he was likely Autistic. I try my best with them but my psy is a narc the type of my father (he physician boss in healthcare) and my therapists most are narcs too the weak ones like my mother. Not respecting boundaries. I wish people would actually ask autistic people before writing about them. The more I got to know him I realized he would talk incessantly about himself, his daughters, his hobbies, his past job in law enforcement, his health. Hey everyone look my father is a liar he said he gave me x money but here the proof he never did, he used it to gamble on stock market. things like that. He has recently come to terms with the fact he may have high functioning autism. Im 73 now, and feel better than Ive ever been in my whole life, more cheerful, creative, mentally aware and relaxed, etc. Always been told i am LAZY LAZY how.. i am ADHD too! Find out if he feels the way I do. I am so pleased that you have managed to have a good relationship with your mother. I know that this is the wrong thing to do but it is a powerful thing that certain people have over me, and try as I might, it is a habit that I have yet to be successful breaking. Time and time again. Good day and that is, yes, the non-biochemical, non-material aspects and also non-spiritual I also believe I am Autistic (currently undiagnosed). I know that for sure. It appears mirror neurons also play a role in personality condition-related issues. If people have no decent care in childhood and adolescence all they can do is put themselves first and take no prisoners. All my efforts to improve my situation.. bring.. results.. finally! A load of these can affect decision making and make humans sick in many ways. Burnout is most likely to happen to good workers who are invested in what they do .